Stupid is as Stupid does

Even nerdy girls have their not so bright moments. Tonight, I had one of those moments, only this one is going to be rather costly.

Everyone knows that you should never attempt to catch something sharp, if it slips out of your hand, for fear that the falling object could cause injury to a body part. Knives, widgets, and blades are prime examples of what you should never attempt to catch.

My stupid moment began while I was cutting tulle with a rotary cutter. The rotary cutter has an extremely sharp 45mm blade and is supposed to have a functioning safety mechanism to prevent injury to users. While I was cutting tulle, the cutter slipped out of my hand, soared in to the air, and my immediate reaction was to grab it. Not so bright, I know, I know... Regardless, I grabbed for the cutter, only it came down blade end first, and the safety mechanism failed. I was left with a 1.5" laceration that extended from the base of my palm to the inner aspect of my wrist.

At 1:00a.m. I find myself in the waiting room of the local ED, feeling like a complete idiot with a dirty kitchen towel pressed against my wounded palm/wrist. The triage nurse asks, "What is the nature of your visit?" I wanted to say, "Stupidity," but instead opted for the other ridiculous response, "Laceration from a sewing accident." Imagine how that sounds to the ED worker...completely ridiculous. A question that was asked more than once, "Were you intentionally trying to hurt yourself?" Seriously, when the laceration was not over my radial or ulnar artery? I chuckled to myself, because of the hilarity of the whole situation. Yeah, this was my grand idiot moment where I wound up with three sutures and a sore hand and wrist. When I receive the bill from the ED, it will be excruciatingly painful.

Note to self: Do not catch rotary cutter when slips out of hand.

Lesson learned.

Evil Concoctions

I thought corn pudding was wrong to do to corn, but I have now found something that tops the inconceivable concoction. Chocolate covered bacon--that just sounds wrong. Instead of heeding to my inner voice, I tasted the evil duo, and, yes, it tasted as nasty as it sounds. I still have that awful aftertaste in my mouth...who would do such a thing to chocolate? Chocolate covered bacon sounds like a manly concoction, something for those going through male menopause perhaps? As I sit now savoring my Reese's cup, I curse the man who created this sin. Damn you!

She lies in a bed of flowers

I knew this day was coming, and I dreaded the day it would arrive...

These past few weeks, I noticed that she was not quite herself; she had slowed with age, but managed to still keep up with me. I glanced at her sadly, knowing her time as my companion was nearing it's end. It has been 5 days since her passing, and now I find it fitting to retell one of our past adventures. With this, I say goodbye, my little princess; you will be missed.



Dropping my phone has become a habit; a bad habit that to this day I have not overcome. The back of my phone will not even stay on now, unless assisted by tape. Ahhh, but I love my phone; my phone and I have been through a lot and into a lot of things. She is a girly phone too, all shiny and pink like a princess.

There was a day when my little princess phone became a dirty girl. On the day she became a dirty girl, I made the mistake of carrying her in the breast pocket of my scrub top. On this day, I was eagerly awaiting a call and she was set to vibrate when calls came in, and the only pocket I could place her in where I would feel that vibration was my breast pocket. I thought to myself, when I placed her snugly in my pocket, that I was going to drop her today, and the question for the day would be onto or into what would I drop her? Early afternoon, that question was answered.

A patient rang out to be assisted to the bathroom, only this patient was in the Chest Pain Center, actively experiencing mild chest discomfort. I, being the vigilant and thorough nurse, would not allow this patient to ambulate to the bathroom which was 6 feet from her stretcher. My patient was destined to void on the ever popular and loved plastic bedpan. After my patient completed her business, I removed the beloved bedpan, placed it on the floor, and carefully assisted my patient in redressing herself. When finished, as I bent over to pick up the bedpan, I felt a sense of dread, and then I felt my little princess slipping out of my pocket. I watched and heard her plop into the urine filled bedpan. My cat-like reflexes kicked in, immediately plucking her from her dirty bath. Ohhh, she was now a dirty girl!

After cleaning her multiple times with toxic wipes, alcohol, and again with toxic wipes, she functioned beautifully. Now, she no longer rides along in the breast pocket of my tops, and when people ask to borrow her, my princess phone, I never tell her dirty secret.

Saying Goodbye

My week started off horribly and it has continued to be extremely sad. Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I cared for a former coworker who was gravely ill. Probably the entire staff of the medical unit I work on, at one point, assisted in trying to stabilize this person. All our efforts failed, thus my former coworker experienced a horrible death. It was utterly horrific.

Today, my son's dog, Molly, was put down. In 2002, we found Molly at the SPCA when my son, Seth, wanted a dog for his birthday. I told Seth, "The smaller the better," and so he settled on Molly, a cute 1 yr old 5lb terrier mix. Molly was one of the smartest dogs we welcomed in to our home. When she was younger, Molly would do what we asked of her with spunk in her step. Her favorite toys were a tennis ball and the latex squeaky chew creations the pet store offered. With the tennis ball, if you rolled the ball to her, she would stop it with her nose, and then very precisely roll it back to you...she loved this. The squeaky chew toys, she wrestled with...she was our comic relief. Molly also loved car rides, hanging ten with her nose out the window taking in all the scents. In more recent years, Molly had lost her sight, but not her spunk. Though Molly was tiny, her personality remained huge. It is sweet to know that someone so small can leave such a warm feeling in your heart. We will always love you, our little Molly-bo-Bolly. We miss you dearly...

Baby Bella

Today I traveled to Roanoke so I could meet the newest addition to the Walker family. Weighing in at 8lbs 6oz is baby Isabella, aka Bella. I normally do not like babies because they cry. Bella is so beautiful and content...I already adore her. In the 2nd photo, I look like I am ready to run off with her...but do not worry bro. As soon as she starts crying, I will return her ;0 Congrats Noel and Janet!!

Spiteful

Here is Edgar Allen, "Eddie" or "Kitty!," giving me one of his many spiteful looks. I think he gets it from me....

Exceptionally Evil = Wicked

There are some days and nights where you have the best intentions, but fate or circumstances (call it what you will) thwart your every effort.

In trying to control my patient's pain, I advocated that his/her pain med be increased. The med was increased, but in doing so, I created utter frustration for myself when the time came to adjust my patient's PCA pump. After an hour of not being able to change the program for the pump and having phoned others for guidance on how to solve the problem with no resolution, I was ready to bend and melt the PCA key, punt the PCA pump like I was going for a goal in World Cup, and administer aggressive pillow therapy to anyone who dared suggest something I had already attempted.

I decided to walk away and readdress the issue in 20 minutes.

Next I decided to give the PCA key to a different RN, who knew nothing of the problem, and let her go for it.

She was able to turn the pump off--that was all I had been trying to do. In my mind, I fell to my knees and bowed at the waist to her, arms outstretched, and I kissed the ground she walked on. OMG! WTF! I thanked her repeatedly, even though she could not tell me how she had completed this elusive task.

With the pump now appropriately set, and my patient's pain better controlled, I proceeded to change his/her abd dressing. My patient cried, yelled, and carried on like a non-compliant detainee at fat camp having his/her last chocolate bar torn from his/her pudgy fingers.

As tempting as it was to pack the wound a little more than necessary, I refrained.

This same patient had an ostomy appliance that needed frequent emptying, because of gas collection. I suggested that because he/she could help with this, I would leave the collection container at hand, for he/she to use as needed. My patient proceeded to use this container as his/her personal trash can, then called me to the bedside. "Does this pouch need emptying?," my patient asks.

As tempting as it was to give a wry sharp tongued response, I refrained.

I emptied the "trash" container, decompressed the pouch, put the container out of my patient's reach, and exited the room.

My next patient had concerned family members, with one becoming what I like to term a "monitor vigilante." This patient had an AICD/pacer, and the monitor misread the pacing spikes/rhythm as PVCs. The monitor kept alarming "trigeminy," "bigeminy," "VT." It was maddening. I reset the alarms, to make it stop. I then observe the patient's "monitor vigilante" almost nose to screen, wondering why it was not alarming.

As tempting as it was to call into the room, using the call system, and say to the "monitor vigilante," "didn't your parents teach you not to move close to the screen! You will ruin your eyes! Back away from the screen!," I refrained.

From there, my night got worse (like it could actually do that!)...

Normally, I am a quiet, happy person. When I left work this morning, I felt positively evil. I believe I even walked about the unit, daring someone to ask me how my night was. I had that evil grin on my face and glimmer in my eye that I normally reserve for people I loathe.

And I still am feeling positively evil, as I glare at my spiteful cat...

Spring's Surprises

I travelled to visit my brother and his family today, and was shocked when I realized that my 11yo niece, Adrianna, sprouted upward and is now taller than me. I have always thought that I was at least 5'3", but during my last doctor visit, I measured in at only 5'2.75"...sigh... That is ok... I still have many inches over my two youngest nieces, Gabby and Elise, and I will for at least the next 5-6 years. Hah!

Rantings From My Inner Nerd!

I should have known better...

I had been eagerly anticipating the release of the new version of Clash of the Titans, so much so that I had built up this image of some great theatrical spectacle that would blow all others away. On entering the theater, I was giddy with excitement. As the movie wore on, my excitement faded, and I began asking "why this?" and "why that?" in my mind. The 3D was awful; I felt like I was in the dark, during many action sequences, squinting to see. At it's conclusion, I was filled with immense disappointment, and angered by this Hollywood distortion of an incredible story. The 1981 version had less distortion of the story, and had better acting and costumes.

Here are some things that I found perplexing: Why was it necessary to kill Perseus's mother in the beginning? Her predicament was the reason Perseus set out on his adventure. Why would Hades begin a spree like that of a serial killer? The three brothers, Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades, decided amongst themselves who would rule what--there was no trickery involved. Why was the Kracken (sea monster) a "child" of Hades? It came from the sea, so should it not have been Poseidon's "child?" It was Andromeda's parents who angered Poseidon, so the Gods sent the sea monster to destroy their city. Why was it necessary to add the "cougar-like" character Io? It was Athena who coached Perseus on where to find the necessary equipment to defeat Medusa. Why were additional new characters added--the black magic beings in the desert? They look like something stolen from Star Wars (Tusken Raiders, perhaps). Why was a task from the myth of Psyche and Eros stolen and used in this film? What am I talking about you ask? Perseus never bribed the ferryman, Charon, to get to the underworld. Psyche bribed Charon to complete an impossible task given to her by Aphrodite. Does Hollywood think no one reads anymore or that no one will notice the stealing of part of a story from another myth? (This really angers me) Why the team of men to defeat Medusa? It would have been much more interesting to see Perseus using the winged sandals, mirrored shield, sword, and helmet of invisibility that were given to him. If Hollywood wanted to add-lib, why not add in Medusa's sisters after her decapitation? Pegasus was born of the blood of Medusa and Poseidon. The winged sandals made Perseus's get-away easy, not Pegasus. Why the color change for Pegasus? Why was Zeus wrapped in a glowing tin foil looking war suit? Andromeda became Perseus's mate, not the "cougar" Io. Why was it necessary to change that? Why, why, why?

There are many other distortions of this story that irk me; I will just stop here. I should have known better... to expect more of Hollywood was foolish of me.

Wanderings and Such...

Lately, I have come to cherish any "free time;" the demands of work, both my real job and home business, have left me with so little time to spare. I have been able to squeeze a few movies in with my son and spouse, though. During previews at one of the movies, I found myself scratching my head during one and heavily salivating during another.
Which ones you ask? Let us start with the movie I believe to be completely idiotic, Repo Men. The movies' premise is that our society will digress from a somewhat moral and ethical one to a society of murder, when you fall behind on bill paying. Seriously?? I am to believe that our future society will become like that of the mafia? I am to believe that organ recipients, who fall behind on their payments to the hospital or company that provided it, will be murdered and the organ will then be repossessed?? Seriously?? I am left wondering the following: What is done with those repossessed organs? Are they reissued (EWWW!!)? What is the blood born pathogen contamination rate for those reused organs? Is there a discount for a used organ? Murder is now acceptable, because they had it coming?
It just sounds completely ridiculous. Seriously Hollywood, this crap is the best new idea for a movie? The person who thought of this storyline should be slapped for insulting our intelligence.

The second movie preview made my mouth water, to the point that I felt I may drool. My inner nerd was awakened when I saw clips from Clash of the Titans. The special effects look incredible. In the 6th grade, I studied Greek mythology, and fell in love with the story, The Adventures of Perseus. The son of Zeus is raised as a mortal and is given an impossible task to complete. How he completes the task, the help he receives from the Gods, and the adventures after the task is completed make this story amazing. When I saw the 1980 or 1981 movie version I could not get enough of it. The actors taking on the roles for the new movie look equally incredible. I am highly anticipating the movie release date of 4/02...my inner nerd is screaming with joy!

One cup or two?

I often write about the faux pas or short comings of others, and now it is time to write about my own. There are many things that I consider myself the 'go to' person for, such as if you want furniture or a toy put together, or if you would like a history lesson. My son Brett loves those history lessons {wink}. I also like to think that I have decent problem solving skills with most things. Where I fall short is a technical issue with anything electronic, including appliances. Common sense sometimes leaves me, and I stand before whatever the issue like a complete ass. My husband, being the technical genius, likes to rub that in sometimes, and, yes, I have flames coming from my ears when he does. Recently, however, I just stood and laughed at my stupid resolution to a technical problem, after my husband called me on it. Let me explain...
Winters in our old farm house can be very harsh. There is no insulation anywhere, it is frigid throughout the downstairs, and the pipes that lead to the washer and half-bath freeze constantly. We have not been able to use our washer for approximately two weeks. Two days ago I tried to wash a load, because there was a trickle of cold water; the Neptune top-loader's display kept yelling 'uF', which meant that it was under filled. My bright idea was to add water, only I was insure of how much to add. This is when the wheels really started grinding...'what if I added too much? Would I somehow damage the machine?' More wheel grinding...'It is a high efficiency washer, so I should not have to add a lot.' Smoke rolls out now...'I'll just add a few LARGE cups and see what happens.' I proceed to add several large Big Gulp sized cups of water to the washer, and then pressed the button for it to start. Again it yells at me, 'uF.' Now I am getting a bit peeved, so more smoke rolls out...'ok. add a bit more water.' This goes on twice more, where I add water, try to run the washer, and then it yells at me. By this time, I have lost count on the exact number of cups I have added, and I start to fear the worst, that I have somehow broken my highly efficient, water saving, dream of a washer. I immediately stop adding water and abandon the attempt.
A day later, my husband makes an attempt to run the washer, and he too has the brilliant idea to add water. I try to dissuade him, and mention that I have already tried that, and it did not work. He states, "well how much water did you add?" I tell him, "many cups of water." He shakes his head and wanders off to get a bucket. I stand watching this, panicking that he is going to destroy my metal baby. He adds 4-5 buckets, presses the start button, and much to my surprise, the washer begins it's cycle. He asks why I added only cups of water, to which I reply, "Because it's a highly efficient washer. Shouldn't it use a lot less water?" He laughs...did I say something funny? I then realize just how silly I sound and laugh at myself. Even nerdy book smart gals have their short comings...and there you have it; that is one of mine.

Lurkin' for a merkin?

Yesterday, I found something rather raunchy, but I have to post a photo of it. The picture had me in tears; I was laughing so hard, it was difficult to catch my breath. I am someone who is easily amused (obviously), and when I saw this (the title for the post was 'Bush League' on http://www.regretsy.com ) I immediately thought, "OMG! someone actually made fur pie panties!" A piece of fake fur glued onto granny panties...imagine all the titles for this photo you could come up with. Oh the fun, and and these are still for sale on Regretsy for $12--what a steal!

History Channel Foretells the Future

I used to enjoy watching the History Channel, but lately while channel surfing, all the History Channel seems to air are specials on the Apocalypse/dooms day or prophecies related to Dec. 21, 2012. If you do not believe me, tune in one night, late night that is, and you will see what I mean.
Once I decided to watch a History Channel special on prophecies related to Dec. 21, 2012, and though it was a bit interesting, as both sides of the argument were presented ( it should always be that way), I found it bizarre that so many people believe in and try to relate Nostradamus' quatrains to modern day. Yeah, people really do, and that is so sad. His quatrains are so vague how could anyone relate them to anything???? How are they predictions of the future? I want hard facts, like time, place, and event, or who, what, when, where, why, and maybe how to be answered. If those important pieces are missing, how does that qualify something as a prophecy? I also believe that many of his writings were wildly misinterpreted or mistranslated, which lends more fuel to my argument. My husband refers to Nostradamus as Nostradumbass, and I am afraid that I concur only when people start talking about his quatrains and foretelling the future.
Oh, and lets talk about movies, build-ups to releases, and then the eventual let down. I think most will know where I am headed with this; the movie 2012. Wow what a disappointment that was. The special effects were cheesy at times, the story line was almost stupid and quite predictable, and the acting was mediocre. A worldwide flood will be the end of days?? Seriously?? What a waste of money.
Anyway, leave it to the History Channel to instill a sense of doom and depression in you. Seriously, what is the point of going back to college now to earn my MSN, if I will be dead in two years? My brother rolls his eyes when I say this and tells me that I need help. I retort with, "Oh yeah! Well you need to watch the History Channel dumb ass." [joking Noel--you know I love you]