It is odd how the news of something that seems irrelevant at first, will make me ponder and reach a dreadfully gnawing truth. When I saw the flash headline news of the death of Amy Winehouse I thought, “I saw that coming.” When I saw her age, 27yo, I then began realizing the tragedy of the situation and how this tragedy could very well happen in my own family. Set aside the fact that Amy Winehouse was a star, and instead look at her addiction to illicit drugs and alcohol, her failed rehab attempts and eventual return to vices that would shorten her life.
To be a family member or close friend of someone who cannot admit there is a problem, or have the person admit the problem but be unwilling to change the bad habits is devastating to observe. I liken it to watching someone you love commit suicide; you watch as your loved one walks closer and closer to a high ledge. You are able to talk, yell, and listen to this person, but nothing ever sways him or her away from the ledge. And then there is the fall… the devastation that is left is heartbreaking.
I currently lay witness to a loved one walking closer and closer to a ledge. I talk to him, telling him what I observe; I listen and watch as he tells lie after lie, he ignores advice and careens carelessly closer to the edge. Will his end come sooner, like Amy's? He will be 21 soon; will he actually make it to 21? Will he ever admit there is a problem?
It is easy to pass judgment on others, so I try not to do that. Bystanders to tragedies like to lay blame on close family and friends; “Why didn’t someone step in and make her..." do this or that. Truth be told, you cannot make an addict do something he or she is unwilling to do. I cannot make my family member enter rehab. I cannot make him quit his vices. He has to do be willing to change and commit to the change. I am sure Amy’s parents and friends reached this same realization.
My biggest fear, after pondering on Amy Winehouse’s death, is that I will be the family member who gets the late night call telling me my loved one is dead. I will be the one who will have to be strong enough to face other family members and say, “Yes, he had a problem. Yes, I tried to help him. No, he never cared to change.” Why is it that he will not show this same strength in defeating his vices? There is but one of life’s great tragedies.
I feel deeply for Amy’s parents; the grief they must be experiencing I imagine is overwhelming. It is but a tragic end to what could have been a promising life and career. I remember watching Amy perform the year she swept the Grammy Awards, and I thought, "Here is a woman who is going to show the world that she can overcome anything and become stronger. We will hear her roar in song!" I now think about my family member and hope that he will overcome his problems and show his family that cares about his life. I will continue to carry hope for him; as a parent sometimes that piece of hope is all our children will allow us to have. When that hope is gone, there is only heartbreak, devastation.
